Back to Perinatal... (& Comprehensive)

Today was full of baby appointments, and since it is my mom's birthday (and she has off work, and she really really wanted to see her granddaughter) I had her come along instead of Adam. At my last appointment, two weeks ago, I was measuring a little small, so they ordered a growth ultrasound to make sure everything was okay with the baby, and I had asked to be able to go back to MN Perinatal.

All last week when I would worry about it, I kept thinking that her amniotic fluid levels were low. It made sense to me, because I felt like I could feel her moving a lot more than I could with Danielle, so I figured there was less room for her to swim around in without hitting me. Without having any fundal height measurements from Danni, I really have nothing to go by for a comparison.

When we got to Perinatal, Wendy, the receptionist, wasn't there, and the past couple times I've called, I've gotten someone else as well. So I asked the receptionist if she was still working there. I guess she's just on vacation this week, and there's another receptionist that has been working sometimes too. We waited a couple minutes and soon Kristen, an ultrasound tech that I've never met, called me back. (Kristen doesn't normally work at the Woodbury clinic, and was hired on towards the end of my pregnancy with Danielle.)

She asked lots of questions about the pregnancy, ones that I'm guessing Krista (my favorite tech) wouldn't have had to ask, since she knows the answer to most of them. Then she got to scanning. Baby was head down with her butt up in my stomach (as always! UGH!), and her legs stretched straight across with her feet into my side. Her face was kind of buried and hidden, so she couldn't really get any 3D's done, but she got a 2D done of her looking straight at us.

She measured everything she needed to measure for the growth, and gave her all 8 points for the biophysical profile (BPP). She checked her heart rate; it was 141 bpm. I asked if she could see if she had any hair (you could see lots of hair on Danni's head at her 29 week ultrasound), but she didn't really have any. At the end of the scan at 34 weeks and 2 days, she said she weighted 4 pounds 14 ounces (Danni measured 5 pound at 33 weeks, just for comparison's sake), putting her at 33 weeks and 3 days. So, pretty much right on track. Kristen said she would give the information to Dr. Mills and that she would be in shortly.

While we were waiting for Dr. Mills to come in, Joan, the genetic counselor, stopped in to see us. We talked about the baby a little and how I might be able to be a stay at home mom. She told us her youngest just finished with daycare and started going to school this past year. When she got the final statement from the non-profit church daycare that the total she had paid was $50,000. We talked about how much money it saves being able to stay home with your kids.

Soon Dr. Mills came in the room, and Joan left. (Let me tell you first off, Dr. Mills is much better at letting you know something is wrong than Dr. Danilenko, "the scary doctor.") She introduced herself and came in the room. Then, she told us that baby girl is growing well, and is pretty much right on track, and that she passed the BPP just fine. (She told us all the things that were right with her.) Then she said that her amniotic fluid was just slightly low. I guess 8.0 to 24.8 cm is normal, and baby has 7.9 cm. (Call it a mother's intuition!)

(As a math teacher, it bothers me that a fluid level is measured in a length, and not a volume, like cubic centimeters. But, they only measure lengths of fluid pockets, so I guess that part makes sense. Like I told Krista once with Danni, it should at least be measured as an area. Anyway, enough on that rant...)

Dr. Mills took a look at her, and said just by looking without measuring, her fluid did look on the low end, but she had a pretty full bladder, and if she peed, it would put her into the "normal" range, but still on the low end of normal. She said that she could partly blame it on the summer heat, and that I should be drinking more fluids, but said that the doctors should be watching it also.

Before she left, she asked if we had any questions. I did; I wanted to know if what my doula, Ashley, she agreed with. Ashley said that they got a more accurate size of the baby by palpitations than by ultrasound. She smiled and said there was a report in some journal (she said the name, but I don't remember) about that very thing. She said that doctors, with experience, can more accurately tell the weight of a baby than ultrasounds. The thing with ultrasounds is that they measure the bone lengths in several places, and then the circumference of the abdominal cavity, but they don't take into affect the chubby little legs and arms and cheeks... She went on for a little bit about it, and I found it quite interesting. She seemed to be an "old-fashion" doctor, and said a lot of doctors now-a-days just depend on ultrasound, and the practice has kind of gone to the wayside.

Before we headed to Comprehensive, I asked for a copy of the record, because I figured they wouldn't have it in 20 minutes when my appointment was. Then off we went.

At Comprehensive, we met with Aimee Neumann, the nurse practitioner. I gave her the report and she looked it over. She measured my fundal height at 31 cm. I should be at 34 cm this week, but she said that I had grown so that was good. But she wanted to get another ultrasound done next week. I asked to go back to Perinatal again and she was fine with that. She listened to the heart rate and said it was between 130 and 140 bpm. Before she sent us on our way, she gave me my next Pampered Pregnancy gift: bath salts!

Before we left the clinic, I made the rest of my appointments. Then mom and I headed out shopping and for lunch. We went to Panera Bread, right next to Perinatal (which is where mom took me after our first ultrasound with Danni), and saw Joan getting lunch there as well.

And now for your viewing pleasure... here is me at 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our baby girl!

Too Small?

We had an appointment this morning, a morning where I've been pretty emotional. They're so quick and, dare I say, boring. One of the nurses that I've seen before took us back and took my weight & blood pressure. Both were good.

Dr. Tumaneng came in a few minutes later, asked if we had registered at the hospital yet. I told her we were waiting to hear about VBAC'ing at Woodwinds, and she said it looked like a "go," but I didn't get registered yet. She asked if we had any other questions, but we didn't.

So I got up on the table and she measured me. Having not done this many times before (like growth ultrasounds or biophysical profiles), I learned that I should be measuring between 30 and 34 cm this week. But I measured at 28 cm. She said she wanted us to get an ultrasound to make sure that she's growing alright, but wouldn't be surprised if it's just because I'm a small person. I don't really have any measurements to compare it to from Danni, as I was never measured. (But I'm going to keep it in mind with our next one if it turns out she is just fine.) She was getting ready to write up a slip to have an ultrasound done there at their clinic, but I asked if I could go to MN Perinatal instead. She was concerned about my insurance covering it, but I assured her it would be fine, and told her that Krista (my favorite u/s tech) had told us to come back if we needed another one.

Then she tried to listen to baby girl's heartbeat. She was kicking and moving around, so it took her a little bit to find her. But she finally got her to hold still for long enough to hear. Her heart rate was 135 bpm.

Before she left, she said another nurse would be in to talk to us about postpartum stuff. And shortly after she left, another nurse came in. I wish I would have remembered her name, but I didn't. She asked if this was our first, and I simply replied 'no.' She started talking a little about postpartum stuff, then asked how old our one at home is. I said, "She would be 13 months old," and I could see her looking at me differently. So I added, "She died when she was two days old." She apologized, and said she had a little one in heaven too. As she kept talking about the postpartum stuff again, I noticed she had a tattoo on the inside of her forearm of two tiny little feet with a heart around them and a name that I couldn't read. Later, when we were in the car, Adam commented that if they were the actual size, then he or she must have been about 20 weeks along.

Before she left, she gave us our Pampered Pregnancy gift. It was a booklet with some postpartum information and a $20 gift certificate to some postpartum workshops that we could take, along with a yellow receiving blanket. The blank, I think, matches her nursery pretty well with brown, blue, and green polka dots.

On our way out, we made our next appointment. From now on, I will be seen every 2 weeks since I am in the third trimester.

Back Down

I feel like I just posted about how I was feeling less depressed, and now I'm back down again. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones, or if I just really can't handle doing this all again.

After school today we had our last meeting of the year to give out years of service awards and say farewell to those who were leaving. I wasn't sure if I would be included in this or not since we don't know if I'll be back yet or not. But I was... and it was the way I was that set me almost on the verge of tears right there in the lecture room.

Polly, our principal, called out my name and I gave a wave showing her (and everyone else I guess) where I was in the room. She said, "Sarah was a long-term sub with us this year..." And that's what did it. I am not a long-term sub. I am a white contracted, first year probationary teacher. I would not have broken my contract with Sacred Heart last summer for a LTS position. I would not have turned down a job offer at Immaculate Conception last summer for a LTS position. I would not have taken a LTS position, because I would have known, for sure, that I would be in the same boat one year from then, searching for a job.

Yet, here I am... searching for a job... again.

Another Year, Another Job Hunt

The past two days I've been pretty depressed. Mostly about jobs and income, but of course every time I see a picture of Danni on my background, it doesn't help matters. A lot of times her pictures can make me smile, but when I'm already down, it just makes me miss her that much more.

Saint Bernard's was, by far, the best place to work (yeah, the pay wasn't the greatest, but the people were, and that alone is priceless). Eagan has been nice to work at too. My co-workers are all very nice, and the kids (most of them anyway!) aren't so bad either. The pay, of course, is amazing, compared to SB.

But, now, again, a year later (and 7 months pregnant), I'm looking for a job. The position that I currently have is being cut to a .8 (instead of full time), and is being split between two schools. I have to reapply (already done), and re-interview for the position. But the more and more I've been hearing about the position, its seeming less and less like a possibility.

On Monday, I got home from school, depressed, and applied to 8 different openings that I found. (Keep in mind last year, I sent out over 40, and got 13 interviews, and 2 1/2 job offers - one I was second on the list and they later called me back because their first choice backed out.) But this year will be different. Last year I did do a couple interview 8 and 9 months pregnant with Danielle, but this time all my interviews I will be 7, 8, or 9 months pregnant. Granted, it's legally not supposed to play a factor in whether or not they hire you, but if you tell me it honestly doesn't, I won't believe you. When you're looking for a teacher to start a school year and you have two equally qualified candidates, but one will have a baby at the beginning of the school year, so you'll have to do more interviews to find a long-term sub, which candidate do you think they're going to pick? I was so depressed and stressed that I fought so hard (and unsuccessfully) to not cry myself to sleep. And of course, being pregnant I couldn't take any sleeping drugs to help.

Yesterday, I got home from school, slightly less depressed, but I couldn't bring myself to apply to any jobs. Adam didn't have school, so he was home when I got home. We talked a little about the whole situation, and Adam reminded me that if I don't get a job, there is always unemployment. As I was getting ready for bed, he had out his phone and was checking websites for figures, and calculating what I would be making after day care costs, and what I would be making on unemployment. When we looked at what we would have each month and compared the numbers, they were fairly close. We thought about it, and after refinancing our mortgage, the money that we're saving each month on payments is about how much less I would be making on unemployment.

Today, as I'm sitting at work on my prep, I wanted to double check some numbers. We couldn't access the unemployment website (apparently you can only estimate your benefits online from 6am to 6pm), and I wanted to double check the daycare costs. We were pretty much right on with the unemployment estimate, but were a little high on our estimate of daycare costs. The difference was only about $100 a month from what we had calculated last night. Then I looked at what I would be making if I got the .8 split-school position, and found (after day care expenses) I would actually be making more on unemployment.

These numbers are a little uplifting to me. I'm not so depressed about the income part, but I am still depressed about the job part. I think it's hard not to be if you lose your job twice in a year through no fault of your own.

Sharing Attention

I remember when we were pregnant with Danielle, being very excited to give her my attention: holding her, feeding her, loving her, watching her grow and learn. And being excited to see Adam with her, teaching her, and interacting with her. But at the same time, I wasn't ready to share Adam's attention with her. I wanted to see him with her, but when I wanted his attention, I wanted his full attention, without having to share it with a baby.

I'm starting to feel the same way again. Adam has been playing video games with one of his friends online a lot lately, and it was starting to get to me that he wasn't giving me as much attention. Then I started to think about when this baby comes, and how I will have to share his attention with her as well. (And I'm sure he will still want some time to play video games every once in a while.)

Yesterday, though, Adam came home from school and didn't even turn on the television. I had (pretty much) his complete attention. He read his book while I cooked dinner (much easier for him to put down at a moments notice to talk to me or whatever). We ate our dinner together on the couch and watched a couple episodes of NCIS (we're hooked, and now need season 8!). We probably would have eaten out on the deck, but it was pretty windy out, even though it was great weather otherwise.

I guess I'm feeling a little better about sharing him with a baby, after getting his full attention. But (again) I'm still not sure I'm ready to share his attention, even this second time around.

Looking Forward to...

I love watching Adam interact with our niece, Addy. She's two. He is always nervous and unsure around babies, but once they get a little older, he's completely comfortable, and natural. After seeing him follow her around most of the night at my sister-in-law's wedding, and after us watching her overnight on their wedding night, I started wondering: What part of having this baby is he most looking forward to? So we were laying in bed the other night, and I asked him, "After spending all that time with Addy, what are you most looking forward to with your own daughter?"

His answer was simple and pretty much covered it all, "Being able to bring her home."

Quite frankly, I had to agree.

Gestational Diabetes Test

Why is it that the day I have the gestational diabetes test, I crave sweets, and forget that I have the test? This morning during PAWS (kind of like homeroom, but after 2nd hour), I craved chocolate, so dug out a fun-sized Kit Kat bar. Later, when I was checking my mail, I saw cookies sitting out, so I grabbed one and halfway though remembered my sugar levels were being tested today. And since drinking my normal Nalgene full of ice water makes me feel sick, I've been drinking Crystal Light all day.

I left work right at the end of the school day, so I could drink the glucose, meet Adam at home, and head out. Today, we saw the nurse practitioner, Aimee Neumann. I asked her about a spot of pain that I have on my tummy when I am feeling the baby. She said it's fairly normal, and it may be that I have a bruise there. She measured my tummy, and felt for the baby. She said that it felt like she was head down with her little butt up on my left side. Then she listened to the heart rate: 140 bpm. Before she sent us on our way, she handed me my next "pampered pregnancy" gift: a free 1/2 hour massage at their clinic! I'd been thinking about how nice it would be to have one, but am worried about spending the money on one, if I don't have a job next year. So this will be a nice treat! We didn't have any other questions, so she sent us out to the lobby to wait to be called back for the gestational diabetes test.

We were called rather quickly (as it hard pretty much already been 1 hour since I drank the orange glucose). This time it was only a finger prick, and I was able to sit in a chair without passing out! I thought they would have to send out my blood and get back to me, but the nurse assistance said it only takes a couple seconds. We watched her put the slides with my blood into a machine, and waited for the quick results. She said, "95, you passed." I asked her what the highest you could get and still pass, and she said 140. Holy buckets! I was worried about eating that sugar for nothing! She also checked my hemoglobin levels, which I guess were also normal (I think an 11.9).