Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Josephine's Funeral & Danni's Song

One of the couples that we met at Faith's Lodge lost their first baby, James, because of preterm labor at 23 weeks gestation. They had struggled with infertility, but finally conceived him only to loose him. I found out about a two and a half weeks ago that they were 23 weeks pregnant, and was overjoyed for them! They'd lost James about 11 months ago, and were now expecting their Rainbow Baby. Only to find out a week and a half later that Josephine was born, lived a short three and a half days, then went to be with her big brother, and Danielle (and Ashton, David, Drew, & Sprout... the other babies that we met through their parents at Faith's Lodge).

I knew I had to go out and be there for both of them at her funeral, as soon as I found out. I got in touch with the other parents and we got them a rock to put in James's memorial garden for Josie. On Thursday, I made the drive out to Madison with Nora and stayed with one of my friend's from college. (I debated on whether or not to bring Nora, as I understood it would be hard on my friends, but logistically we couldn't make it work - Adam works at 3am, and it would be difficult to find someone to watch her, plus I am breastfeeding her.)

I left our house Thursday around noon, loaded Nora and our stuff in the car and said goodbye to Adam. I got in the car and started it, and the radio turned on. It was about halfway though the song, but I knew Danni was looking down on us as I listened to the rest of If I Die Young by The Band Perry. (Just a couple of weeks ago I went to work on Danni's scrapbook at mom and dad's house, which I hadn't worked on in months. I was downstairs by myself listening to the radio, and the song came on then too.) It is a song that always makes me think of her, and lately it's been coming on the radio at the most appropriate times, like it did just then.

Friday morning was Josie's funeral. Ashton's mom also made it to the funeral, and was kind enough to watch Nora for me while I talked to Josie's parents. They had an open tiny casket for her, with a blanket wrapped around her, and a few toys for her. She looked to tiny and frail, but I managed to hold it together, not for too long though. When I looked through all of her pictures, and saw her parents reading a story to her and showing her a picture of her tiny big brother, I started to get all teared up.

As I was flipping the pages, one of Josie's great aunts started looking as I flipped though. One of the photo pockets held her neonatal shades. She looked a little confused, and I explained that some of the lights they use to keep them warm and healthy is hard on their eyes, so they put on these shades. We struck up a small conversation and I explained that I met Josie's parents at Faith's Lodge and had lost a daughter myself, but I couldn't image the pain of losing two children.

Ashton's mom couldn't stay for the funeral service, as she had to pick up her daughters. I stayed, despite Nora's fussiness. But, once I put her in the Moby wrap, she was content and dozed in and out, so I was able to stay. After the luncheon, I said goodbye to James & Josie's parents and gave them both a big hug, from me, from Adam, and from David's parents (David's mom wanted to carpool out with me, but wasn't able to make it).

Thursday, October 13, 2011

2-Month Check-Up

Nora had her 2-month check-up today... that means shots. I was curious to see if she'd be like her Daddy & big sister, Danni, and not care, or if she'd be a big baby about it, (yes, I'll admit it!) like her Momma. Turns out she's a big baby (more than me even!). Adam held her leg while the nurse gave her her shots. I tried to distract her, but it didn't work. Now, I can listen to her cry at home for no apparent reason, but it broke my heart to see her cry, or maybe I should say scream, when she got her shots. Maybe, because I feel her pain!

Another note about her doctor visit... she's at the 88th percentile for height, and the 40th percentile for weight for her age. Which for height versus weight, puts her at the 0.9th percentile. So she's tall like her Daddy, but skinny like her Momma!

After her appointment, Momma & Daddy got their turn with the needles... we got our flu shots!
Matching Band-Aides!
On a final note (a Momma's gotta brag!), Dr. Cady said she's one of the cutest babies she's seen (and she has her own kids)!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Eleanor's Baptism

I've been meaning to do this post for a while, but I wanted to wait until we got her pictures from my brother. I think they're on Adam's computer, but I haven't checked... anyway, I'm write the post with or without the photos!

After we lost Danni, I could hold it together in most public settings. There was one that I couldn't, and I lost it several times: Baptisms. I don't know why it was this event that always set me off, but it seemed that right after we lost her, we always ended up at the mass & church with one or more babies being Baptized. (We were trying to find a new church, so we kind of hopped from church to church each weekend.) Most of the time I could hold it together enough to sit in the pew and (somewhat) inconspicuously wipe my tears away. (Of course, Adam always noticed). But I remember once at St. John Neumann, Adam taking me out of church and sitting in the lobby on a couch crying for most of the rest of mass.

With Eleanor's Baptism approaching, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. We had been to a couple Baptisms (for family & for stangers), and I was just fine. But when it's your Rainbow Baby, it's a little different. I wasn't sure if I'd cry for the joy of being able to Baptize her normally, or sadness because we didn't get to have a normal Baptism for Danielle. Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all. I had a huge smile on my face and was so happy to be able to celebrate this sacrament with Eleanor, but no tears!