Saturday, July 9, 2011

Comforting My Baby

Adam downloaded and installed Windows 7 for me a while ago. I think it was a birthday or Christmas present. At any rate, it has one pretty cool feature where you can have a rotating desktop background. You select the pictures that you want it to flip through, and then every 5, 10, or 15 minutes it will change the picture. We both, of course, have pictures of our beautiful baby girl, Danni, that rotate though our computer backgrounds. 

Most of the time I have windows open on my computer and can't really see the pictures. One in a while I see the edge of a picture and it catches my eye, so I minimize my window and see our daughter. Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I just stare and miss her. Sometimes it brings back a memory. Sometimes I talk to Adam about her. But these four photos...

... have recently brought up a new feeling. I used to see them and love how alive and well she looked. (Nothing tells you more "I'm here, I'm alive, and I want attention," more than a crying baby.) They would make me smile at the thought. But recently, I see these pictures pop up on the computer, and I want nothing more than to pick up my baby girl and comfort and sooth her, let her know her mommy's here, and everything is okay. But when these pictures were taken, I was in the recovery room, while Adam was standing over her (taking the pictures to show me). He couldn't pick her up and comfort her, because they were testing her, checking her, getting her hooked up to countless machines, etc. So all he could really do was watch her.

It does make me feel a little bit better knowing that she might have just been crying to hear the sounds she could make, as Adam said she only cried for a minute or so, and then was perfectly content again.

I think it helps too, to know that she is in heaven, and not in any pain. No nurses are working on her. No one is poking her with needles. She's not hooked up to monitors with alarms going off. I'm sure she's made lots of friends in heaven (we've met lots of their parents, and they are wonderful people!). I know she is very happy, smiling down on us, and waiting for us to meet her little sister, knowing that this little baby has brought so much hope into our lives again.

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