I've been meaning to do this post for a while, but I wanted to wait until we got her pictures from my brother. I think they're on Adam's computer, but I haven't checked... anyway, I'm write the post with or without the photos!
After we lost Danni, I could hold it together in most public settings. There was one that I couldn't, and I lost it several times: Baptisms. I don't know why it was this event that always set me off, but it seemed that right after we lost her, we always ended up at the mass & church with one or more babies being Baptized. (We were trying to find a new church, so we kind of hopped from church to church each weekend.) Most of the time I could hold it together enough to sit in the pew and (somewhat) inconspicuously wipe my tears away. (Of course, Adam always noticed). But I remember once at St. John Neumann, Adam taking me out of church and sitting in the lobby on a couch crying for most of the rest of mass.
With Eleanor's Baptism approaching, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. We had been to a couple Baptisms (for family & for stangers), and I was just fine. But when it's your Rainbow Baby, it's a little different. I wasn't sure if I'd cry for the joy of being able to Baptize her normally, or sadness because we didn't get to have a normal Baptism for Danielle. Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all. I had a huge smile on my face and was so happy to be able to celebrate this sacrament with Eleanor, but no tears!