Little Spills of the Beans

Adam's been telling me that I'm bad at keeping this baby a secret. He is kind of right. Though, I did very well today at the family Richter family Christmas party.

I told our neighbor, Sarah, across the street, when she asked me the other day. They are moving in a couple weeks, and I'm not sure when I will see them again, so I kind of wanted to tell her. She said she wouldn't tell anyone, other than Corey, her husband.

When we went to the holiday tribute that Faith's Lodge put on, I told the couple sitting next to us, as we were talking about our children, and our futures without them. (She had miscarried in the 3rd trimester, and was never able to see her son. I felt so lucky that we were able to meet Danielle.)

We went out with the Saint Bernard's staff right after we found out, and I really wanted to tell them then, just to ask them for prayers that this baby is healthy. But, Adam said we should wait. And I did. But just last week, when we were out with them again, I asked him if I could tell this time. He said we should still wait. So I was going to, but Rita asked why I was drinking water. I told her I almost always order water, then drink a little of Adam's cherry coke (which is totally true!). But she pushed the matter, and I'm a bad liar. It probably didn't help the situation that I was sitting next to Heidi, who was 13 weeks pregnant, and Stotz, who is due in February. But I think from the whole long table, only 3-4 of them heard the conversation.

I think Adam was worried that I would spill the beans today. There are three other pregnant women in the family right now, and it's hard to keep it a secret from other pregnant women, when they start talking about their pregnancies. But today, I really had no desire to tell anyone. (Honestly, I wasn't even really social at all.)

8 Weeks, 2 Days

Dream of Loosing Danni

I had a dream this morning right before I woke up to go to work. The layout of where we were, I likened to my parent's house somehow. The room Danielle was in was where my parents room is, and Adam and I were hanging out in right across the hall, in what would be my brother's room. Adam was playing video or computer games, I don't really know which. I kept going across to check on Danni, and when I walked in she wasn't there. A woman, that I likened to my mom, but it wasn't, wouldn't let me see her. Then I went back into the room that Adam was in and fell to the floor crying, and Adam just kept playing his game. That's when I woke up wanting to cuddle with Adam, but he was at work.

Rainbow Baby

I was reading comments today on Faith's Lodge's status on Facebook. The status said "Even in the toughest years, we still have moments that make us smile or give us peace and comfort. What was your favorite memory of 2010?" So I shared, "Seeing our daughter for the first time, seeing how proud her daddy was, holding her and loving her, even if it was only for two short days, those were the best memories I could ever ask for."

Then I went through and read what other people had shared, thinking I would see mostly memories of our lost babies and children. But I saw people writing about the birth of their "rainbow baby." I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and Adam commented, "How do the know already that the kid is gay?" So I did what everyone does now when they don't know something... I Googled it. I found a post on babycenter.com that said,

'Rainbow Babies' is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

So this is our rainbow baby, bringing light, joy, and hope into our lives.


*UPDATED*
After we went to Faith's Lodge, Melanie, one of the mom's we met up there, shared this poem with me.

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
in your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again.

The Ups & Downs of 2010 (Our Christmas Letter)

It’s been hard for me to come up with an all-cheerful Christmas letter this year, because we’ve had so many ups and downs this year. So I thought I would just highlight all of our ups and downs this year. Most of them have ended on a happy note!

The UPS and downs of 2010

We found out Adam’s mom’s cancer returned. The diagnosis was not good, but having gone though several rounds of chemo, the doctors can find no signs of the cancer in her. She has beat the odds once again!

Adam’s grandpa was lying on his death bed, but he has recovered and is home with his wife.

Adam did not get accepted to the University of Minnesota to finish his Electrical Engineering degree, but that was a blessing in disguise.  He was accepted to the University of St. Thomas, which was made free with the GI bill this year.  He likes the small school atmosphere much better than he would like the U.  We expect him to graduate in May or December of 2012, and begin his new career.

On May 17, we brought our beautiful daughter, Danielle Joann, into this world, but two very short days later, God called her home. We were both able to hold her and love her. I was able to nurse her once. We both miss her very much, and wish she could share her first Christmas with us, but she gets to celebrate with Jesus on His birthday (and I’m sure that’s the best birthday party anyone has ever been to).

The high school that we both attended closed and I lost my job as a result. In July, I found a job at a Catholic grade school, but wasn’t totally happy with it. But, we took a road trip anyway to celebrate and to get away for a while....

We visited my childhood neighbor, Brent, in Nebraska. Then we stayed in Denver, CO on our way to the Grand Canyon, where we toured the South Rim. From there, we stayed in Vegas for several nights (we didn’t win anything... though it’s kind of hard to win when you don’t play at all!), and saw a couple shows and walked the strip. Next, we went to Los Angles, CA and helped Adam’s sister, Jacque, and her family pack up for their move back to Minnesota. Finally, before we headed home, we went to Oregon to visit my grandparents and a few of my cousins.

… When we returned, I kept applying to a few public schools in our area, and was hired at Eagan High School teaching Algebra I to freshmen and Tech Math to seniors. I love my new job, though I do miss all my Saint Bernard’s family.

We hope you have a blessed new year!

All our love,
Sarah, Adam, & Danielle 

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Merry Christmas Grandma & Grandpa!

Adam and I debated on whether or not we would tell my parents. We really did not want to tell anyone this time at least until the first trimester screening, when we would (hopefully) be able to tell everyone we are pregnant with a healthy baby. But we knew that my parents would keep it a secret until we were ready to tell everyone else. I thought about telling them before Christmas, because I knew that mom would end up getting the baby Christmas presents then. But we weren't ready then.

I think two days before Christmas, I thought it might be fun to wrap up the ultrasound pictures we had gotten in a box full of tissue paper, and have them unwrap it. I was thinking mom should unwrap it, but Adam said that dad should. So we wrapped them up in a small box and after we had unwrapped all the other gifts, Adam handed dad the box.
Dad opened it, pulled out all the tissue paper, and saw the little pictures. Mom leaned over his shoulder, saw what it was, and started crying. She looked at them, and handed them to Jeff, then came and gave me a hug. Jeff was slightly confused, as he thought they were of Danni, but he said the date was wrong. So mom said, "She's pregnant!"

The Results

I called the nurse midwife line Thursday afternoon to find out the blood test results. The midwife I talked to said that my hCG levels were well within the "normal" range for how far along I am, but the levels didn't double as they would expect them to. She said she wasn't worried about it.

I asked if she could tell me what the heart rate was at the ultrasound, since Adam and I couldn't agree on what the she said. She said it was 124 bpm (I was right!). :) Then she asked if we had met with an OB or midwife after the ultrasound. I said no. So she pulled up the results of that. She said there was a medium sized hemorrhage behind the placenta (about 2x2 cm). She called it subchorionic hematoma (SCH).

I found an article online that said that 1-3% of women that get SCH end up miscarrying, but most of those cases are where the women has a large hemorrhage. I'm hoping that a medium-sized one isn't anything to worry about (the midwife I talked to said she wasn't all that concerned), but I'm still a little worried.

First Ultrasound

I left school early today (after classes, but before the end of the "teacher day"), so that we could get to Woodbury in time. I had my second blood draw (they're comparing it to the first to see if my hCG is increasing), then the lady pointed us in the direction of radiology.

Our appointment was at 3:30pm, but I don't think we got called back until 3:50pm. Lindsey, an u/s tech brought us back to the exam room. I was told to come with a full bladder, something that I was never told with Danni. (For those of you that aren't sure if you need a full or empty bladder at an u/s, here's the deal... If you're not very far along (like me this time... only 6 weeks), they want you to have a full bladder so that it raises your uterus up so that they can hopefully see it with an abdominal scan.)

So Lindsey first did an abdominal scan. She found that my uterus is retroverted (tipped towards my back instead of my front). It's not a big deal, she said that sometimes they'll flip back and forth at this point, but it makes things just slightly harder to see. She could still see the baby and the yolk sac (feeds the baby until the placenta is formed). When she looked at the baby, she could see the teeny-tiny little heart flutter! The baby is okay. Of course at this point, there's no way of telling if the heart is formed properly, because for one, the baby is so small (about 1/8 of an inch), and two, the heart isn't fully formed yet.


Since I was at Woodwinds hospital, they require that she check everything. So she had to check my ovaries and measure them and check and measure my uterus and some other stuff. Then she asked me to go to the bathroom (so I would have an empty bladder), and then she would do an internal u/s.

With the internal, she checked the baby again, and we could see it a lot closer up and in slightly more detail (it still looked like a little gray ball). We could see the heart beating away again, but a little closer up. Again, she check my ovaries, and whatever, which all checked out fine.


I don't remember which part it was during, but she found the heart rate of the baby. (Which I can barely see how she could find it with how tiny it is... when they found it with Danni, it was larger and much easier to see). When I asked Adam if he remembered the heart rate he said 140 bpm, because he thought it was about was Danni's was the first time we heard her heart beat (hers was actually 150 bpm). But I thought she had said 124 bpm. So as far as trying to predict a gender at this point, we've got nothing. (They say over 140 bpm is a girl, but under is a boy). If I'm right, maybe we're having a boy. If he's right, it could go either way. I am going to try to get a hold of Elizabeth, the midwife, to see if it's recorded somewhere.

She had also taken several measurements of the baby to see how far along we are, and her measurements were only a day off of what we said. I thought she had said we were 6 weeks 2 days (where I thought 6 weeks 3 days), but the screen said we would be due August 14, and I figured August 13. At any rate, we're much closer this time than we were with Danni. So maybe I'll believe them this time!