We were up late the night before. We had been at a friend's house playing a game that went on for a few too many hours. By the time we finally got home and I fell into bed, it was probably around 11:45pm. I was woken up by Sarah's pained contraction groans around 12:30am. As I had been trained, I immediately started timing both their duration and their frequency. After a few had come and gone, I informed Sarah that they we longer and coming more frequently than the guideline for going to the hospital (5-1-1; 5 minutes apart, 1 minute long, lasting for 1 hour). Her's were on the order of 2 minutes long, 30 seconds apart, and I didn't wait for an hour, I decided that we were going. I called the hospital's line for incoming pregnant women and told them to expect us soon. Then I grabbed our previously packed bags and helped Sarah to the car.
I don't remember much of the drive. It is about 15 minutes from our house to the hospital. I can't imagine what the bumps and turns were doing to Sarah, but she made it through alright. We got to the ER and I dropped her off at the door into the care of the waiting nurse. I then parked the car and grabbed our cell phone chargers (we generally charge them overnight, and since we hadn't really had a night they were both almost dead). I met up with Sarah and the nurse inside and we went up to the maternity ward and got a room. They left us sitting in the room alone for a bit. I used that time to plug in my phone and use Sarah's to call Ashley, her doula, waking her up and getting her assurance she was on her way.
After a short wait a nurse came in and hooked Sarah up to the machine that monitored her contractions. They had to monitor her for an hour to be sure she was really in labor and deserving of a room. A little bit after that Ashley arrived and talked us through what in her experience we could expect. While we were waiting for the hour to pass, a nurse from the lab came in to draw Sarah's blood. She was probably the worst nurse ever; she didn't wait for Sarah's contraction to pass before trying to stick her with the needle. Consequently, it was a very painful experience for Sarah. Shortly after that a nurse came in and confirmed that Sarah was indeed in labor, so we could stay.
The next several hours passed in a blur. When you are in labor, but not fully dilated, they come in to check up on you, but nothing more than that. If they come in to check and you are fully dilated, then they call the doctor and the pushing commences. Otherwise they leave you to labor the way you want to, and offer suggestions if asked. Sarah preferred that I put counter-pressure on her back during a contraction, but other than that, she really didn't care what we did. We sat, laid down, walked the halls, used the labor ball, etc. Anything we could think of to break up the monotony, we did. And whenever Sarah had a contraction, I would immediately rush over and apply counter-pressure.
Around 7am or so (still no sleep for either Sarah or I), Ashley said she could handle things if I wanted to go eat. I was hungry so I went down to the cafeteria to grab a quick meal. On the way I grabbed my phone so I could call Sarah's mom, Denise. I had left her a text but she hadn't responded so I wanted to make sure she got it. She wanted to be there for the whole thing, and would probably have killed me if I hadn't informed her what was going on (for real, no exaggeration). I did wait til breakfast time, however, because I figured that someone should get some sleep, and it didn't look like Sarah was progressing very fast, so Denise wasn't in danger of missing anything.
The next few hours were a blur again, between putting pressure on Sarah's back, helping her walk or change positions or whatever, and keeping Denise informed (she waited in a nearby lounge). We noticed that as time went by Sarah became less responsive to suggestions to change position or try something else. Near the end she refused to do anything but sit in bed and rub her belly, right above her hips. She would talk, but it was an incoherent mumble. We knew she was exhausted, but she wanted to try without pain meds, so there was nothing we could do. We finally asked a nurse her opinion and she told us that she had never seen a patient as exhausted as Sarah was. She recommended that we try a painkiller that was like an epidural, which would allow Sarah to get some rest and be able to push when the time came. After taking it over with Sarah, I took her incoherent mumbled response as a “yes” and let the nurse drug her.
I didn't want to be in the room distracting Sarah from resting, so I went to the lounge and spent time with Denise. We decided to give the drugs 2 hours to work their magic, after which we would see how Sarah was feeling and either give her an epidural or give her more of the other drug depending on how she was doing. Denise and I had lunch and then I called my dad and sent out a mass text message letting people know that every thing was okay and that the baby would probably be born soon.
After the 2 hour time limit, we decided to go ahead with the epidural. The other drug wasn't quite enough for Sarah. Even though she looked and sounded a lot better, she wasn't ready to push out a baby. The anesthesiologist came up and put in the epidural, and then we played the waiting game. We were waiting to see if Sarah's water would break by itself or not. The doctor said that if it didn't break by 1:30pm, she would come in and pop it. It didn't break by the specified time and so the doc came in the make it happen. When she went in to pop it, she discovered that it had broken, it just hadn't leaked out very much. She then informed Sarah that it was time to push.
The epidural had worked a little too well on Sarah. She couldn't feel when she was contracting, and so had to rely on us to tell her. I, having spent the whole pregnancy declaring my intent to be by Sarah's head and not see any of the bloody mess below, found myself holding her leg and watching everything happen in real time (and even taking a few pictures). The baby was sitting very low. Sarah didn't have to push hardly at all and I could see a mess of hair. Because Sarah couldn't feel a thing, the doctor took Sarah's hand and guided it so she could feel the hair. After that it was about half an hour of us telling Sarah when to push until that screaming, slimy, gray baby was out and on her mom's chest.
Welcome to the world, Eleanor!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"Swimming in Medical Bills"
One of my friends posted on Facebook how she's looking forward to the day that they aren't swimming in medical bills, and as I read it, I wished that we were. I wished that we could pay for Danni's heart surgeries (all three of them), for her -what I would assume would have been a long, long- stay in the CVCC, for her visits with her cardiologist, for her trips to the doctor, for her "well child" check ups. I thought about writing a comment to her post, but I'm never sure how people will take them. (Not that I'm usually that concerned with how people think I am handling the grief of loosing my daughter.) But I wanted it to come across as a "look at the bright side" comment, as she and her family are all still alive to talk about (and unfortunately pay) the medical bills. But instead, I find myself sharing it here on my blog that's not to often read (and I'm fine with that!), where she will probably not see it and think of the bright side and how much I wish I could be in her shoes.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2011 Christmas Letter
The Christmas Herald
6 Weddings & a Baby:
The Gibson’s 2011 Year in Review
By Sarah Gibson,
Edited by Adam, Danielle (19 months), & Eleanor (4 months)
The Gibson’s 2011 Year in Review
By Sarah Gibson,
Edited by Adam, Danielle (19 months), & Eleanor (4 months)
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| Adam & I at his sister’s wedding in Chicago. |
Our year started off with a secret that was hard not to mention in last year’s Christmas letter. (You’ll figure it out as you read on.)
January: We went up to Faith’s Lodge to spend a weekend together, and with other couples that had lost babies. We met 5 wonderful couples whose children are Danielle’s playmates in heaven. Later that month, we went to our first wedding, one of my childhood neighbors, Brandon, got married.
February: Not much noteworthy happened. We celebrated Valentine’s day, and I’m sure I bought a heart-shaped pizza from Papa Murphy’s with green olives (yuck!) on half just for Adam. What a loving wife I am!
March: We babysat our niece, Addy, for a whole weekend, while her parents went to Chicago to work on planning their wedding.
April: Two weddings! Adam’s brother, Charles, got married to Kitty, and we were both in the wedding. Then at the end of the month, Adam’s cousin, Laura, got married to Steve as well.
May: Our softball season started with the Pros & Cons for the 3rd year. I wasn’t allowed to play, again, this year. While I am a good player (I played softball before joining the league, Adam did not), I was 6 months pregnant. We did miss a softball game when we went to Chicago for Adam’s sister, Jacque’s, wedding. I was a bridesmaid for Jacque, and Adam was a groomsman for Corey. Later that month, we also became the Godparents of Adam’s cousin, Daniel Joseph.
June: I finished my last day of school at Eagan High School, and with budget cuts, I lost my job again. So I began my job hunt, again. I would say that Adam has his last day of the school year, but he took summer classes all summer long, and also started working weekends for Pepsi. Then came out 5th wedding: Adam’s boss at UPS got married.
July: We attended our 6th wedding, the wedding of one of my grade school friends, Sarah. The next day, July 17th, Adam’s mom, Elisabeth Therese (Beth), lost her battle with cancer. This was her 3rd battle with it, and, sadly, it finally won out.
August: On August 12th, we welcomed our second daughter, Eleanor Elisabeth (named after my grandma, and Adam’s mom) to the world. We think she looks a lot like her big sister, Danielle. The week after she was born, we had our softball playoffs, and even though we lost the game, we considered it a win, since we didn’t get 10-runned (where the other team gets 10 more runs than you, and the ump calls the game in their favor, because you have no hope of winning).
September: Since I didn’t find a job, I became stay-at-home momma extraordinaire, and Adam went back to St. Thomas to continue his education to become an electrical engineer. At the end of the month, we had Nora baptized at St. Patrick’s Church.
October: Momma & Daddy had their first date night since Nora was born, and Grandma Denise & Grandpa Jack loved being able to babysit her. Then, of course, Nora dressed up for her first Halloween. She was the cutest skeleton you’ve ever seen!
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| Eleanor at 3 ½ months doing tummy time. |
November: My mom, Nora, and I abandoned Adam and dad to take Nora out to Oregon on a plane to meet my mom’s family. Nora did very well on the plane, to my surprise.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Josephine's Funeral & Danni's Song
One of the couples that we met at Faith's Lodge lost their first baby, James, because of preterm labor at 23 weeks gestation. They had struggled with infertility, but finally conceived him only to loose him. I found out about a two and a half weeks ago that they were 23 weeks pregnant, and was overjoyed for them! They'd lost James about 11 months ago, and were now expecting their Rainbow Baby. Only to find out a week and a half later that Josephine was born, lived a short three and a half days, then went to be with her big brother, and Danielle (and Ashton, David, Drew, & Sprout... the other babies that we met through their parents at Faith's Lodge).
I knew I had to go out and be there for both of them at her funeral, as soon as I found out. I got in touch with the other parents and we got them a rock to put in James's memorial garden for Josie. On Thursday, I made the drive out to Madison with Nora and stayed with one of my friend's from college. (I debated on whether or not to bring Nora, as I understood it would be hard on my friends, but logistically we couldn't make it work - Adam works at 3am, and it would be difficult to find someone to watch her, plus I am breastfeeding her.)
I left our house Thursday around noon, loaded Nora and our stuff in the car and said goodbye to Adam. I got in the car and started it, and the radio turned on. It was about halfway though the song, but I knew Danni was looking down on us as I listened to the rest of If I Die Young by The Band Perry. (Just a couple of weeks ago I went to work on Danni's scrapbook at mom and dad's house, which I hadn't worked on in months. I was downstairs by myself listening to the radio, and the song came on then too.) It is a song that always makes me think of her, and lately it's been coming on the radio at the most appropriate times, like it did just then.
Friday morning was Josie's funeral. Ashton's mom also made it to the funeral, and was kind enough to watch Nora for me while I talked to Josie's parents. They had an open tiny casket for her, with a blanket wrapped around her, and a few toys for her. She looked to tiny and frail, but I managed to hold it together, not for too long though. When I looked through all of her pictures, and saw her parents reading a story to her and showing her a picture of her tiny big brother, I started to get all teared up.
As I was flipping the pages, one of Josie's great aunts started looking as I flipped though. One of the photo pockets held her neonatal shades. She looked a little confused, and I explained that some of the lights they use to keep them warm and healthy is hard on their eyes, so they put on these shades. We struck up a small conversation and I explained that I met Josie's parents at Faith's Lodge and had lost a daughter myself, but I couldn't image the pain of losing two children.
Ashton's mom couldn't stay for the funeral service, as she had to pick up her daughters. I stayed, despite Nora's fussiness. But, once I put her in the Moby wrap, she was content and dozed in and out, so I was able to stay. After the luncheon, I said goodbye to James & Josie's parents and gave them both a big hug, from me, from Adam, and from David's parents (David's mom wanted to carpool out with me, but wasn't able to make it).
I knew I had to go out and be there for both of them at her funeral, as soon as I found out. I got in touch with the other parents and we got them a rock to put in James's memorial garden for Josie. On Thursday, I made the drive out to Madison with Nora and stayed with one of my friend's from college. (I debated on whether or not to bring Nora, as I understood it would be hard on my friends, but logistically we couldn't make it work - Adam works at 3am, and it would be difficult to find someone to watch her, plus I am breastfeeding her.)
I left our house Thursday around noon, loaded Nora and our stuff in the car and said goodbye to Adam. I got in the car and started it, and the radio turned on. It was about halfway though the song, but I knew Danni was looking down on us as I listened to the rest of If I Die Young by The Band Perry. (Just a couple of weeks ago I went to work on Danni's scrapbook at mom and dad's house, which I hadn't worked on in months. I was downstairs by myself listening to the radio, and the song came on then too.) It is a song that always makes me think of her, and lately it's been coming on the radio at the most appropriate times, like it did just then.
Friday morning was Josie's funeral. Ashton's mom also made it to the funeral, and was kind enough to watch Nora for me while I talked to Josie's parents. They had an open tiny casket for her, with a blanket wrapped around her, and a few toys for her. She looked to tiny and frail, but I managed to hold it together, not for too long though. When I looked through all of her pictures, and saw her parents reading a story to her and showing her a picture of her tiny big brother, I started to get all teared up.
As I was flipping the pages, one of Josie's great aunts started looking as I flipped though. One of the photo pockets held her neonatal shades. She looked a little confused, and I explained that some of the lights they use to keep them warm and healthy is hard on their eyes, so they put on these shades. We struck up a small conversation and I explained that I met Josie's parents at Faith's Lodge and had lost a daughter myself, but I couldn't image the pain of losing two children.
Ashton's mom couldn't stay for the funeral service, as she had to pick up her daughters. I stayed, despite Nora's fussiness. But, once I put her in the Moby wrap, she was content and dozed in and out, so I was able to stay. After the luncheon, I said goodbye to James & Josie's parents and gave them both a big hug, from me, from Adam, and from David's parents (David's mom wanted to carpool out with me, but wasn't able to make it).
Thursday, October 13, 2011
2-Month Check-Up
Nora had her 2-month check-up today... that means shots. I was curious to see if she'd be like her Daddy & big sister, Danni, and not care, or if she'd be a big baby about it, (yes, I'll admit it!) like her Momma. Turns out she's a big baby (more than me even!). Adam held her leg while the nurse gave her her shots. I tried to distract her, but it didn't work. Now, I can listen to her cry at home for no apparent reason, but it broke my heart to see her cry, or maybe I should say scream, when she got her shots. Maybe, because I feel her pain!
Another note about her doctor visit... she's at the 88th percentile for height, and the 40th percentile for weight for her age. Which for height versus weight, puts her at the 0.9th percentile. So she's tall like her Daddy, but skinny like her Momma!
After her appointment, Momma & Daddy got their turn with the needles... we got our flu shots!
On a final note (a Momma's gotta brag!), Dr. Cady said she's one of the cutest babies she's seen (and she has her own kids)!
Another note about her doctor visit... she's at the 88th percentile for height, and the 40th percentile for weight for her age. Which for height versus weight, puts her at the 0.9th percentile. So she's tall like her Daddy, but skinny like her Momma!
After her appointment, Momma & Daddy got their turn with the needles... we got our flu shots!
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| Matching Band-Aides! |
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Eleanor's Baptism
I've been meaning to do this post for a while, but I wanted to wait until we got her pictures from my brother. I think they're on Adam's computer, but I haven't checked... anyway, I'm write the post with or without the photos!
After we lost Danni, I could hold it together in most public settings. There was one that I couldn't, and I lost it several times: Baptisms. I don't know why it was this event that always set me off, but it seemed that right after we lost her, we always ended up at the mass & church with one or more babies being Baptized. (We were trying to find a new church, so we kind of hopped from church to church each weekend.) Most of the time I could hold it together enough to sit in the pew and (somewhat) inconspicuously wipe my tears away. (Of course, Adam always noticed). But I remember once at St. John Neumann, Adam taking me out of church and sitting in the lobby on a couch crying for most of the rest of mass.
With Eleanor's Baptism approaching, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. We had been to a couple Baptisms (for family & for stangers), and I was just fine. But when it's your Rainbow Baby, it's a little different. I wasn't sure if I'd cry for the joy of being able to Baptize her normally, or sadness because we didn't get to have a normal Baptism for Danielle. Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all. I had a huge smile on my face and was so happy to be able to celebrate this sacrament with Eleanor, but no tears!
After we lost Danni, I could hold it together in most public settings. There was one that I couldn't, and I lost it several times: Baptisms. I don't know why it was this event that always set me off, but it seemed that right after we lost her, we always ended up at the mass & church with one or more babies being Baptized. (We were trying to find a new church, so we kind of hopped from church to church each weekend.) Most of the time I could hold it together enough to sit in the pew and (somewhat) inconspicuously wipe my tears away. (Of course, Adam always noticed). But I remember once at St. John Neumann, Adam taking me out of church and sitting in the lobby on a couch crying for most of the rest of mass.
With Eleanor's Baptism approaching, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. We had been to a couple Baptisms (for family & for stangers), and I was just fine. But when it's your Rainbow Baby, it's a little different. I wasn't sure if I'd cry for the joy of being able to Baptize her normally, or sadness because we didn't get to have a normal Baptism for Danielle. Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all. I had a huge smile on my face and was so happy to be able to celebrate this sacrament with Eleanor, but no tears!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What I Miss About Pregnancy
When I was pregnant with both Danielle and Eleanor, I was so excited to be done with pregnancy. But after giving birth, I missed being pregnant. (Talk about a catch-22.) With Danielle, the main reason was that when she was inside me, she was alive, and I knew she was. I was keeping her alive and safe. With Eleanor, I have found other reasons to miss being pregnant, and I wanted to list them here, so that next time around I can come back and read all of the joyous things about being pregnant that you really don't get once the child is born, so that I'm not so anxious to have the baby. I'm sure I'll keep adding to it as time goes, but here's a start...
1. Showering without hearing a screaming baby and starting to leak milk.
2. Not loosing all your hair.
3. No zits!
4. Getting out the door quicker.
5. Not waking up in the middle of the night to feed a baby (you're constantly feeding them and you don't even have to wake up for it!)
6. To go along with that... sleep!
7. Time to not just remove the old paint from your toenails, but actually put new nail polish on them too... if you can reach, that is.
8. Don't wake up wondering what you slept on, and find a nuk wedged in your side.
1. Showering without hearing a screaming baby and starting to leak milk.
2. Not loosing all your hair.
3. No zits!
4. Getting out the door quicker.
5. Not waking up in the middle of the night to feed a baby (you're constantly feeding them and you don't even have to wake up for it!)
6. To go along with that... sleep!
7. Time to not just remove the old paint from your toenails, but actually put new nail polish on them too... if you can reach, that is.
8. Don't wake up wondering what you slept on, and find a nuk wedged in your side.
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