The Last Few Days

I got a sentence or two into this post, and ran out of time to write it before Nathaniel was born, so I'm trying to remember everything, but I can tell you that I don't!

Well, we finally had the tour of Woodwinds that I had been wanting to do (Tuesday, December 11th), except it wasn't at all what I wanted, and our tour guide, Julianne, was no good. At one point we asked a question, and we were right next to one of the nurses's station on the Labor & Delivery floor. Julianne gave us an answer and the nurse sitting there gave her a look like she was crazy.

While we were there, I got a call from Comprehensive letting me know that Dr. Mahan was out on delivery at St. John's. We ended up rescheduling with Dr. Nelson for about 15 minutes later than our original appointment time. So after our uninformative tour of Woodwinds, we headed across the highway to Comprehensive.

Dr. Nelson is still not a favorite of mine. I've seen her twice now, and both times she seemed to be in a rush to get in and get out, like she didn't have time for her patients.

On our way out, I asked if Dr. Mahan had any openings or cancellations for the next week, since I wanted to see her one last time before the c-section. I lucked out, and was able to switch my last appointment to her only open slot.

When we got home, I posted on Facebook about how I was more nervous to go under the knife after my tour than I was before. One of my friends, Ame, messaged me about getting in contact with some of her nurse friends at Woodwinds. On Thursday, I called Julie, the charge nurse on the Labor & Delivery floor, and she told me that I was on her list to call today, but she was in the middle of a delivery and would call me back. She did, and she gave me a much better "tour" over the phone, than Julianne did taking us around the hospital. She answered most of my questions, and the ones she couldn't answer, she knew who to talk to get an answer. One of the questions I had, well, more of a request, was that Adam be allowed to be in the OR with me when I got the spinal, and the possibility of me laying down instead of sitting up when he did the spinal. Jill said she'd talk to the anesthesiologist and get back to me. She also recommended using one of their volunteer doulas, especially if Adam wasn't allowed in the OR. After talking to Jill, I felt so much better about going into surgery. I still really didn't want to get "sliced & diced," but I felt more at ease in having to go into it.

Dr. Douglas Dubink, the anesthesiologist that would be in on my surgery called me also after Jill had talked to him. I told him about my concerns of how I needed Adam in the room, and how I would probably do better laying down to get the spinal than sitting up. After talking to him for a little while, he was okay with Adam being in the OR for the spinal, but said if he passed out that he would miss the birth of his son. I told him I wasn't concerned since he stood up to peer over the drape when they were pulling Danni out of me. (I think he was less concerned then too.) He explained about how it is easier for him to place the spinal when people are sitting up rather than laying down, but if I really thought I needed to lay down, he could do it that way too. We decided to make that call on the day of the birth.

Jill also called me back to make sure that Dr. Dubink had called me, and to see if I had any other questions. Dr. Dubink actually came in her office while she was on the phone with me, and so she put me on speaker so I could ask one more question. With Danni, the anesthesiologist had said that their nurses were great photographers, so I asked if the same were true at Woodwinds. He assured me that someone would be able to take pictures in the OR for us, but it would probably not be him or his nurse. Jill also suggested that I contact Julie, one of the volunteer doulas at Woodwinds, that would be on call that day. She said that Julie would be willing to come in a little early to be with us for the prep and surgery. She gave me her phone number to contact her ahead of time, but I never got around to calling her.

After talking to all these wonderful people at Woodwinds, I felt much more at ease going into the c-section. I still really didn't want to do it, but I felt that it would be a better experience than Danielle's birth in the OR.

I will leave you with my last "belly shot" from Nathaniel.

36 weeks 2 days

36 weeks 2 days

Appointments Between Planning

Last week, I had two appointments that I managed to get to between having people at our house (okay, so it was while they were there), planning a funeral for my mother-in-law. On Tuesday, I had an OB check at Comprehensive, and on Wednesday an ultrasound to check her fluid levels at Perinatal. Since I didn't have time to post about them last week, and I have another appointment this afternoon, I wanted to get the post written quick about last week.

Tuesday OB Appointment
The OB check went well, and it was the first time I had ever gone to a prenatal appointment by myself (weird, huh?). I met Dr. Mahan, who I found I really liked. She asked if I was having contractions at all. I told her on the bottom half of my belly I would get cramps/contractions a little bit, but nothing more really.

She checked baby's heart rate, but I don't remember what it was anymore. Then, she measured me. For 36 weeks, I measured at 35 cm! Which was a big improvement from last time they measured me. Then she did my first ever prenatal internal exam = not comfortable! I was 50% effaced. And she did a quick test for Group B Strep, which she said I would hear the results of at my next appointment. (There are so many new things this time around. I was never measured with Danielle, never had an internal exam, never checked for effacing, never tested for Group B Strep...)

She gave me my Pampered Pregnancy gift, which was two different things of formula with two different bags/totes, and I went back home to my house-full of people.

Wednesday Ultrasound
I had a feeling on my way there that Krista would not be doing the ultrasound, and I was right. Julie, who I had seen a couple times with Danielle, did the ultrasound. She commented about how it had been a while since they'd seen me. But I told her I was in just two weeks ago for a growth ultrasound, and found that her fluids were low.

She checked the fluid levels, and found that they were at 12-point-something cm. (Remember, 8cm is the low end cut-off, and last time I was at 7.9 cm, so this is good too!) She had a full bladder again, but Julie said that sometimes what looks like a full bladder is actually an ovarian cyst. That kind of made me nervous, but she said that they disappear after the baby is born, as it's usually caused by hormones from the mother. She turned on the Doppler, and said a vein and an artery going around the "blob," and confirmed that it was indeed her bladder, not a cyst.

She took a couple pictures of her with the 2D ultrasound.

Our little girl had her face pretty well hidden in there, but I asked Julie if it would still be possible to get a decent 3D of her. She pulled out the other wand, and was able to get half of her face, after she "cleaned it up" a bit. (They can rotate the picture around and crop out "noise" around her, like umbilical cords and what-not.) Adam thinks she has hair on top of her head, but I don't think she has nearly the hair that her big sister had. I think she might just have some "peach fuzz" on her head. I guess we'll find out soon!

There's one more angel in heaven...

...there's one more star in the sky...
          ~Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Adam's mom, Beth,
at our wedding in 2009

On Sunday morning, July 17, Adam and I went to church. I had made pasta salad to bring to a gathering at one of my old co-workers from Saint Bernard's house. We were going to swing by home, change into "cooler" clothes (since it was so blasted hot and humid), grab the pasta salad, and head out. But towards the end of mass, Adam got a phone call from his sister. During the recessional song, Adam walked out of church to check his voice mail from her. His mother had been battling cancer for a while, and we knew she wasn't in the greatest of shape. His sister had been keeping us informed and updated on messages from their dad. For some reason, call it a gut feeling or mother's intuition, I knew it wasn't a good phone call.

I stayed in church while the song finished, and chatted briefly with the two families that were sitting in front of us. (I knew one from Boy Scouts, and the other was the kids' cousins, whom lived down the street from us growing up, and I used to babysit). The mother from the Scout troop told me that Adam had a beautiful singing voice. I chuckled and said, "I know, sometimes I am ashamed to sing next to him!" They asked when the baby was due and congratulated us (again, I'm sure). Then I quickly looked for Adam and headed out of church.

He was already outside, and said that his sister, Jacque, had said that his mother, Beth, was back in the hospital (which we had already known), and wasn't looking good. Jacque said that they should all get to the hospital. I was fine heading out there with Adam to be with him and the family, but he insisted that I go to the picnic and have fun. So when we got home, we headed out in two different directions. Adam packed up my laptop in hopes that he would be able to work on his history final that was due on Monday. I told him, depending on how things were going there, I would come out later with food for dinner for all of them.

At the picnic, all of my old co-workers (many of whom had also been Adam's and my teachers in high school) asked where he was and how he was doing. I explained that his mom was battling cancer, and was in the hospital, not looking good. When I was getting ready to leave, I mentioned that I was going to head to the hospital, and bring them some food. Diane offered to pack up some food for us, so sent me with pasta salad and cherries for them.

I called mom on my way home, and she said she would pick me up, stop by Cub to grab some chicken from the deli, and bring me to the hospital. While we were there, Adam called to update me. He said that the nurse had come in and talked to them. She had said that she thought that Beth would pass on tonight. Remembering how long my grandma hung on for, I thought we might be there for a while longer than what the nurse had mentioned. I grabbed a couple more things from home for us, and we headed out.

Adam met me at the door and helped me carry up the food to the family waiting room. Then we went to Beth's room. Jacque was sitting on one side of her, holding her hand, while Mike, Adam's dad, was on the other. She was still relatively aware, but the drugs they had her on, made her process things a little slower.

Throughout the evening and into the night, we came and went from her room to the family waiting room. At one point, the Catholic priest came to give Beth the sacrament of anointing of the sick. While we were all gathered around, she looked at me and made a spinning motion with her finger. I turned to the side, so she could see my baby bump, and she gave a small nod. The priest gave her the sacrament, while we were all gathered around.

Just before midnight, some of us were in the family waiting room, when Jon came in and said that her heart rate was around 30, and we should all come. We all went down the hall, me walking slower than everyone else, waddling, trying to keep up. We all stood around her (minus me, I was sitting in a chair, not feeling well, just behind my husband), while she took her last few breaths. Jon, Adam's oldest brother, started praying and everyone joined him.

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. 

Other than tears, sniffles, and the passing of the tissue box, the room was quite. Soon her nurse, Amy, who was actually done with her shift, came in to let us know that they no longer had a heartbeat appearing on her screen anymore. She asked if we would like her to pray with us, and she said a short prayer, thanking God for the time we did have with her.

A couple people, started sharing memories of her, bring more tears, but also some laughs were choked out between the eye wiping. Slowly we trickled out of her room, and went into the waiting room again, where we waited for Mike, Adam's dad, to come in. We packed up our things, and when Mike came in made plans to gather the next day for breakfast to begin planning Beth's service.

Tired and exhausted, physically and emotionally, we all went home to try to get what sleep we could.