What is a joyous pregnancy like?

One thing that we talked about when we were at Faith's Lodge, was that those of use that lost our babies will no longer be able to experience a joyous pregnancy. For a couple like us, we had about 2 months where we were still "innocent," in that, we didn't know anything other than joy during a pregnancy. But when we had that first ultrasound with Danielle, that all shattered in an instant. We were told our baby had major heart complication, and may not live. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of carrying Danni, but there was always still that lingering worry that weights on your mind all the time.

This time around, I feel that the only time we've really almost reached that innocent-joyous pregnancy was when Krista scanned the baby heart showing us the 4 chambers and that it was on the left side. But there still wasn't that innocence there. It was a joyous-relief: hearing that our second child won't have to have heart surgery, that the baby won't be hooked up to countless monitors, wires, & lines, that we don't have to plan for the worst, but hope for the best, because this baby has a better chance.

I think that hope and joy held us together for a while. But now the worry is starting to set in again. With Danielle, I felt her move very early on for a first-time mommy. I am now reaching the point with this one, especially since it's our second, that I should be able to start feeling the baby move (check this out on baby kicks). But I haven't yet. Now I'm sure there's plenty of reasons why I haven't felt him/her kick yet, for example, the placenta is in the front this time (I rarely every felt Danni kick where her placenta was). That thought got me through about a week, but now I'm starting to worry if the baby is still alive. Miscarriage rates, yes, they drop drastically after week 13, but look at the rates for heterotaxy (4 out of 1 million), they're even lower.

We have an appointment at Woodwinds with Liz on Monday. I'm hoping if I ask, Liz will bring the doppler out again and let me hear the heartbeat again. I think that will put my mind at ease for another two weeks until our next ultrasound, or better yet, until I feel the baby start to kick.

14 Weeks, 6 Days

Math Babies!

Yesterday, I made an appointment with Perinatal for my 17 week u/s. It was for Friday at 1pm on a day that I had workshops (no sub needed!). But, if Adam were to go, he would be missing his two most difficult classes that day. He didn't like that, and being a teacher, I wasn't too fond of it either. So he asked me to reschedule, especially since this u/s we should be able to find out the gender.

Before I rescheduled, I wanted to ask one of my co-workers, Sherrie, if she would be able to cover for me for 7th hour, if I was able to change it. She said it wouldn't be a problem, and since there wouldn't be any "paperwork" for subbing, that I wouldn't have to worry about taking from my sick leave hours (the district only lets you take them in 4 or 8 hour chunks, and I would only be needing an hour at most).

Today, on my prep, I called and got it switched to Tuesday (when Adam's done early with class). I was able to get a 2:30 appointment! (Our school day goes until 2:15pm, and usually the latest I could get them was 2pm.) Of course, I asked who it was with, and, unfortunately, it is with Dr. Danilinko (known as "the scary doctor" from my other blog from my pregnancy with Danielle). I took it anyway though. I figured at the last appointment I had at Perinatal, I didn't even see Dr. Calvin, so hopefully, I won't see "the scary doctor" at this appointment. Plus, I'm hoping that I'll have Krista again as my u/s tech, and if something really is wrong, that she'll let us know right away, instead of sending the doctor in.

Anyway, I digress... I sent Sherrie an email just asking if she could cover the last 10 minutes or so of my 7th hour that day so that I could leave and get there on time.

At lunch, the ladies were talking about Sue, another math teacher, who is currently pregnant with her second, and due in May. (Apparently, with her first child, Sue was in labor during the school day, but just kept teaching. She had Katie that evening.) I figured it would be a fine time to bring up my news. I said, "Well, I asked Sherrie if she would cover one of my classes at the end of the day, because I am going to have an ultrasound. We are pregnant with our second." Sherrie said that she was wondering if that's what it was, because she said I had a "twinkle" in my eye when I asked if she could cover my class. But she said she didn't want to ask then, since there were so many people around. Jane, the math department head, said that she already knew, but was waiting for me to say something. She said she didn't hear it from Polly or Pete (the principal & vice principal), who I had already told. (Now I'm wondering where she heard it. I'll have to ask tomorrow.)

Later during my 6th hour prep, Shannon, another math teacher, who's the same age as me, came in and said she heard about my news. She said that she's only 3 weeks behind me! (There's going to be lots of new babies in the math department!) She said she's already had one u/s for dating the pregnancy, and she's having another at 12 or 13. I asked if she was doing the first trimester screening, and she said she didn't think so. I explained what it was, and then encouraged her to ask about it.

So now I can tell the students... whenever I get around to it!

Inquiring Students

Today during PAWS (it's like homeroom or advisory), one of my students (her name is actually Sarah Rose... what a good name!), said "Mrs. Gibson, come here." She pulled me aside and secretly asked me if I was pregnant. I asked her where she had heard that rumor. She said that someone in my second hour had told her that I said that I was.

Now I never actually denied it, but I never admitted to it either. (I'm a bad liar, but I can avoid the truth!) So I started telling her about Danielle. She didn't know that I have a daughter, so she asked to see pictures. I showed her the ones on my computer, and told Sarah her story.

Hopefully, she won't be mad and accuse me of lying (cause I didn't!) when I do tell them (once I tell my co-workers first!). When I was pregnant with Danni, Megan A. asked me if I was pregnant and I denied it. Then she got mad at me when I finally told my advisory girls (and actually, Mrs. Okan got to it before I did!)

Telling the Gibsons

So Sarah wants me to tell the story of me telling my parents. Seeing as how I am the one that did it, I guess that makes sense. So there we were.....

No, for real, we were in the car driving to Jacque and Corey's house for a Super Bowl Party when I decided to call. I had wanted to call for a few weeks, but just didn't seem to ever get to it. Something would come up or I would forget or whatever. So I decided that I was definitely going to call before the weekend was up. Little did I know that they were in Duluth for the weekend and unreachable by phone. So I waited until Sunday night when I was sure they would be home before I called. My mom answered right away and after a few pleasantries I told her the big news. It went a little something like this:

M: "So is there a reason for your call or are you just catching up?"

A: "Well, I was kind of wondering if you knew off hand what you were doing around August 14th?"

M: After a quick hushed side conference with my dad "We are free that weekend, why?"

A: "Because Sarah and I are expecting our second child and that is the due date."

M: "Oh, Adam, seriously? Wow! We are so happy for you!"

Or something like that anyway. I think that it didn't have a very large impact because of the rumor that has been circulating for a few months (since before we even knew) that Sarah was pregnant. So I don't think it was a huge surprise, nor do I think it will be a huge surprise to much of anyone because of one misconstrued comment on Facebook.

13 Weeks, 4 Days

Empty Arms...

Yesterday wasn't the greatest of days at work, and it was one of those days when you "bring work home with you." I was laying in bed and I couldn't sleep, because I was thinking of everything work related. So I tried to think about something good. I tried thinking about this baby growing inside me, but ended up thinking more about Danni. How much I miss her and how I just wanted to be sitting in my grandma's chair in her room rocking her to sleep.

Baby-Proofing

Danielle would be almost 9 months old now, and I'm sure if she were at home she would be just about ready to start getting into things. One of our baby shower gifts was a set of those safety latches to keep cabinets closed. With Addy, our niece, coming over Saturday afternoon, Adam got the bug to start putting up the safety latches. So now we have all the cabinets on the first floor latched (we still want to do the bathroom cabinets upstairs). It's already driving me nuts! I forget they're on there every time I open the things up!

We also made a list of other baby-proofing stuff that we'll need: outlet plug covers, an install-able baby gate.

Better Odds!

I just got a voice mail (and actually a letter in the mail) from Joan, the genetic counselor at MN Perinatal, today. Her voice mail said that this baby's odds have actually improved! This baby's odds of having Down Syndrome is 1 in 7,900 (Danni's was 1 in 3,700), and the risk of Trisomy 18 is 1 in 10,000 (Danni's was 1 in 5,000). They don't do the spina bifida test until 15 weeks though, so we didn't get those risks this time.

I love getting good news about this baby, it means so much more this time around to keep hearing that our baby is healthy. Of course, it was always meant a lot to hear good news about Danni, and that she was holding on and looking good, but after loosing her, its sets our hearts at ease to hear more and more about how this baby will be just fine.

12 Weeks, 4 Days
Sad that my belly button is already starting to pop
(That didn't happen until about 19 weeks with Danni)