We were at church on Saturday, and Adam was trying to get Nora packed up in her car seat, when the older couple in front of us turned around and commented on our daughter. They said she had beautiful eyes. I really wanted to say, "Just like her big sister," but didn't. I don't think they wanted to get into much of a conversation or know our story, but I wanted to tell it. When I turned around, another little old lady came over and made a comment about Nora as well. Of course, again, I wanted to say something about Danielle, but didn't. She said she'd been seeing us in church since we got pregnant with her and just wanted to come over and say hi.
On our way home I was talking to Adam about how, if we had stayed at Holy Trinity, the little old ladies and the people that sat around us would probably know our story. They saw me pregnant with Danielle, they may or may not have seen the funeral announcement in the bulletin and figured out it was our daughter, they would have seen us show up for mass week after week without a baby. Some would have asked, some wouldn't have. Then they would have seen me pregnant again, and us showing up with a baby. The people at St. Pat's don't know (sans the one couple that mom, Jeff, and I talked to at Sunday donuts when we first joined). I guess I just figured that everyone that would be in our lives for the rest of our lives would know about Danielle, but as we start meeting new people and going new places, they don't. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Looks Like a Rainbow: Danni & Nora
When I was pregnant with Nora, I was concerned about what she would look like. When Danni was born, I thought she was the most beautiful baby girl. Well, now that I was pregnant with another girl, how could she be more beautiful? I guess she'd have to look like her sister. But if she looked like her sister, would I want to cry every time I looked at her? I certainly didn't want that!
When Nora was born, she always seemed to have a "mad face," but once she outgrew that I found that she was beautiful too. She looked a lot like her big sister, but not so much that she looked like she was her big sister; just enough to be called sisters.
Several times, when I am getting Nora dressed or I'm changing her or giving her a bath, I see a red line down the middle of her chest. I'm not sure what causes it, as there's nothing in her clothes that would make the line. It doesn't look like it's irritating her skin or anything. It just looks like a mark, or an old scar. Whenever I see it on her, I think immediately of Danni. If she were here with us, she would have a scar right there on her chest from her heart surgeries. I always smile a sad smile and think of my little 2-day-old baby and what she would be doing right now...
...taking a bath with her little sister, would she be splashing her and would Nora get mad, or maybe she'd splash her right back and they two of them would giggle and laugh...
...would she want to help change the baby's diaper or want to help get her dressed, or maybe she'd be upset that I wasn't paying attention to her at that moment...
...would she run up to her daddy when he gets home from school and cling to his leg, or maybe give him big kisses and hugs, or ask him to read her a book, or maybe she'd be like Nora and after being crabby all day, light up with smiles when he gets home...
All these things I guess we'll never know...
When Nora was born, she always seemed to have a "mad face," but once she outgrew that I found that she was beautiful too. She looked a lot like her big sister, but not so much that she looked like she was her big sister; just enough to be called sisters.
Several times, when I am getting Nora dressed or I'm changing her or giving her a bath, I see a red line down the middle of her chest. I'm not sure what causes it, as there's nothing in her clothes that would make the line. It doesn't look like it's irritating her skin or anything. It just looks like a mark, or an old scar. Whenever I see it on her, I think immediately of Danni. If she were here with us, she would have a scar right there on her chest from her heart surgeries. I always smile a sad smile and think of my little 2-day-old baby and what she would be doing right now...
...taking a bath with her little sister, would she be splashing her and would Nora get mad, or maybe she'd splash her right back and they two of them would giggle and laugh...
...would she want to help change the baby's diaper or want to help get her dressed, or maybe she'd be upset that I wasn't paying attention to her at that moment...
...would she run up to her daddy when he gets home from school and cling to his leg, or maybe give him big kisses and hugs, or ask him to read her a book, or maybe she'd be like Nora and after being crabby all day, light up with smiles when he gets home...
All these things I guess we'll never know...
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